Author Deborah Tannen discusses the different ways that men and women speak to each other about troubles within conversation. The author describes in the three articles assigned for examination the difference in the way women and men talk to one another with regard to what was described as “trouble talk”. She describes a situation that is troubling to a woman. The woman speaks to the man and tries to express to him her feelings of frustration. As a result, the man will suggest a solution to the problem and will tend to try to fix the situation with a final decision as to how the problem should be resolved.
Tannen explains that women tend to express problems in a way that is more in need of support for her position than expecting an immediate solution to the response. Women in general would prefer to be supported with understanding and reassurance as opposed to a direct line to a solution. Women want to feel empathy in their position from the other party compared to wanting to be rescued with an immediate fix. When the woman’s conversation is cut short, she tends to feel that her problem was not important enough to require a series of questions and answers in order to resolve the ongoing situation.
The author writes of a situation where a woman will look to another woman for a different perspective on her problem. She tends to feel that another woman would understand and listen with more sympathetic feelings to the problem at hand. It was noted in the article “The Different Ways Men and Women Talk About Trouble” (Beehive) that “The need to find matching troubles can also be challenging…”. In conversation, women tend to support each other with the exchange of troubles to show that they have an understanding of each other’s needs and wants. This is a different approach to problem solving than that of a man and a woman discussing the same situation.
Tannen in the article “Why What You Say In Private Looks Bad In Public, Even If It Isn’t” writes of the need to feel safe when speaking privately to another individual regarding problems and situations. What we say in private we would expect to not be known in a public way because the circumstances of a problem could be conceived incorrectly when placed in a public setting. It is stated that “We all say things in private that we wouldn’t say in public, and when we talk about the subject in public, we say things differently”. We can apply this theory to private conversations between men and women or between women and women. It is sometimes best that we be mindful of our tone and vulnerability when discussing delicate matters.
When we understand the concepts and theories expressed by Tannen in her articles, we can see that problem solving and private conversation has a delicate balance between being understood and resolved or being taken out of context, therefore creating a larger problem. When an individual speaks of issues and problems that are important to them, they need to be confident that they will receive a fair and just resolution to their individual problem. When a problem becomes a public concern, people tend to downplay its importance to them and therefore don’t reach the conclusion which will satisfy their need for closure.
Communication Theory 